I’m thinking of killing myself

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2021.10.28 12:30 helloworldfornow I’m thinking of killing myself

I had a shitty abusive upbringing and despite that I’ve always tried to be a good person. I went to college, got a good job, go to therapy as often as possible and try to be a good friend and partner. I have read hundreds of articles, books, listened to the advice of my therapist. I’ve done deep dives within myself to dissect the part of me that feels like I am not enough. I was never given the blueprint for what a normal, healthy relationship looks like but when I picture it in my head it’s like a fuzzy memory. I try to recognize what “normal” is like but it’s a concept so far beyond my grasp sometimes.
And unfortunately that mindset has put me in the way of people who take advantage of that. I know this. I know it’s my fault. I know I stay to long and “pick” shitty people. I fucking get it. I’ve tried changing. I’ve tried being more picky. I’ve left so many people at the slightest red flag. But then sometimes I meet people and it’s SO hard to not believe them when they say they love me enough to change. And it’s a fucking echo of everyone in my life who has treated me like dogshit. But I want it so bad.
I even moved states to start over and here I am 5 months later in another abusive relationship with someone I love who is echoing what everyone has said before her. “I will do better” “I didn’t mean it” “I’m not that kind of person”
The gaslighting is obnoxious and so transparent. And I just want to end it all, including myself.
30 years of just wanting to be loved by another person without being abused is too much hope for me. I want to just end my pathetic life and stop this cycle for good, forever.
Save your judgement for someone else because trust me I’ve thought all of the things you are thinking already.
submitted by helloworldfornow to confessions [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 Emrak I've finally maxed out my character count

I've finally maxed out my character count I have the bizarre tendency to want to keep creating new characters. I have no explanation for this, aside from the fact that I enjoy starting fresh. Is anyone else afflicted with this malady??

https://preview.redd.it/7k8ytd35m7w71.png?width=617&format=png&auto=webp&s=f1bfdd1351e7ec2752ca6c7728840c8a9d1a257b
submitted by Emrak to Planetside [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 SzegedNewsBotka Elnémulhat a Rádió 1 Szegeden? Érvénytelen pályázat áll a háttérben

Elnémulhat a Rádió 1 Szegeden? Érvénytelen pályázat áll a háttérben submitted by SzegedNewsBotka to hirok [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 lightlevelsup Heartbroken and life falling apart at once

My ex cheated on me a week after moving into uni and the pain is destroying me from the inside, even a month later and when I thought I was getting over her I found out now my friend is fucking her and I'm back to square one but worse. At the exact same time I don't even have time to be sad because I've just started uni and the work is way too difficult for me I don't understand a thing thats going on and it seems like everyone else does, I find it so hard to focus while i'm in so much pain aswell, and when I do i don't even fucking understand anything and I just feel worse. I've also realised after all the grinding for 2 years to get into this university and course that I don't even fucking like the course it's fucking killing me I want to do something I love but it's too late to go back. I don't even have anyone to talk to about anything here because it's a completely new place and all of my friends are off at other universities doing course they love having the time of their life. For the first time in my life I don't know how I'm going to escape this situation I feel like my life is suddenly falling apart and I feel so depressed but I don't even have time to feel depressed because there's just so much work. Please help me.
submitted by lightlevelsup to Advice [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 Mapplestreet MLM costume

Hello everyone. Halloween is just around the corner and I'm hosting a costume party with the theme "your personal nightmare". I'm choosing to go as an MLM shill. However I'm not quite sure what could make me an authentic essential oil salesperson. Do you have any suggestions what a stereotypical MLM guy would be wearing or carrying around?
submitted by Mapplestreet to antiMLM [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 RepresentativeFirm97 Disha Patani Hot Photoshoot

Disha Patani Hot Photoshoot submitted by RepresentativeFirm97 to desiactresses [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 Deannabee831 Fish carcass… what is it?! Found in Brooklyn NY… about 4 ft long.

Fish carcass… what is it?! Found in Brooklyn NY… about 4 ft long. submitted by Deannabee831 to whatisthisfish [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 niuz-bot CNCAV: 126.492 de persoane vaccinate împotriva COVID în 24 de ore, dintre care 90.950 cu prima doză - [Sanatate]

Citeste in continuare: https://www.agerpres.ro/sanatate/2021/10/28/cncav-126-492-de-persoane-vaccinate-impotriva-covid-in-24-de-ore-dintre-care-90-950-cu-prima-doza--804953
submitted by niuz-bot to niuz [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 TobiHovey Remember All That SHIB Vitalik Buterin Burned? It’s Now Worth $32.5 Billion

Remember All That SHIB Vitalik Buterin Burned? It’s Now Worth $32.5 Billion submitted by TobiHovey to CryptoNewsHub [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 THE_SONS_OF_ANARCHY Found this quarter I wonder what the fuck happened to it

Found this quarter I wonder what the fuck happened to it submitted by THE_SONS_OF_ANARCHY to teenagers [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 sugar_daddy_thomas Sugar baby needed

submitted by sugar_daddy_thomas to SugarBabyGroup [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 jmsaxy Chompers on full display

Chompers on full display submitted by jmsaxy to AnimalsBeingDerps [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 Gwunders All Gods Must Die, Part IV

Part I | Part III | Part V
Trust not, lest you be forsaken,
Fight for the carnage of your people,
Fight, and die. For your life is cheap,
And your soul is withered.
In Its Dreams the Beast Spoils the Land Itself.
The deeper Einar travels the thicker the corruption grows. Gnarled roots weave their twisted paths to the whims of the forest; they rise to three times the height of a man, covered in sapped brambles poisonous to the touch. The trees they feed are of blackened bark, a sickness that spirals to a canopy high enough to scrape the sky.
It is the scent that bothers him the most. A fetid stench of decay as the life that once flourished within the great wood turns to rot. It follows him and plagues his steps, made only worse as the ever-shifting maze guides him down unknown paths into bogs of sulphur and mud. As he walks, he sinks.
From below the swamp gurgles. It spews its vehemence at Einar’s passing, his decrepit boots sticking to the deep pools of brackish water. Around him the wind stirs. It fights the cursed land, useless in its gusts as his body dips ever lower. Its resistance grows weaker and soon the wind abandons him in its futility.
His rage keeps him afloat. Even as the water engulfs his waist, even as the earth itself pulls him into its depths, Einar forges ahead, one labored step after another.
It is only a matter of time before he drowns. Somehow, the swamp is endless, the root-walls of the maze shifting to keep him from solid ground. His breaths come in heaves as the mud grips his legs. It forces his descent and the water laps against his chin as he fights the current.
To die now seemed a foolish thing.
A rope splashes in the water. Einar takes hold and wraps the length about his forearm as an unseen strength breaks him free of the trap. In furious, short bursts he is dragged through the swamp until he finds himself on the flat of the land, Slow, and arduous, he pulls himself up, dragging Felslief along, the sword no worse for wear.
He meets their stares with a stoic countenance. Three of them, human in shape, sit on the shore flat on their heels, knees bent, their bodies covered in the leathers and leaves of the forest. They wear masks fashioned from the skulls of animals; a buck, a boar, and a wolf, two men and a woman that care nothing for their modesty. They tilt their heads in unison.
Einar stands. They are short creatures with pointed ears, lithe bodies borne from nature. They smell of earth. Fresh, fertile soil.
His fingers coil around the leather wrappings of his blade. The elves watch him, curious, as the wind blows from their backs and returns to Einar, whipping about his form as an old friend. At its onset they brighten and stand, the bones woven into their clothing clattering at the motion. One, the woman, points at him and beckons he follow.
They prove themselves a boon. At their touch the roots recoil, slithering aside as the elves lead Einar deeper into the forest. Above, the canopy thickens until the sky is lost, replaced by the flickering flashes of hundreds of flaring insects, their brief illumination a poor consolation. It is Felslief that lights the way. The darker the night, the brighter the ice-blue of the blade becomes until it brightens his sight.
The elves race ahead, skilled guides with one always close enough to keep Einar on track. They chitter and communicate with whispered tongues. Words lost to his ears. Such creatures he knew from stories: demi-humans, the gods call them, beings beneath their notice, creatures of the land and bloodless.
More of their kind appear as he travels. They pop into the light in brief bouts of curiosity, glimpsing the strange man with his bare feet that stirs the detritus of the forest floor, loud snaps from sticks that scar his skin. More and more come for a closer look until, suddenly, they vanish. The rough floor gives way to moss and muck, and soon the scent of rot wrinkles Einar’s nose once again.
His guides disperse. All but one. The woman with the wolf’s skull. She brings him to the edge of a pool of black viscous liquid, its surface still as death. She stands before Einar and removes her mask, her face a long, thin thing, with large, unblinking eyes, her cheeks and forehead layered with black runes.
Though wordless, he recognizes her countenance. A thing of pity. Of sorrow and empathy. She caresses his wrinkled forehead with her long narrow fingers, her palms aglow with a soft, golden light. At its touch Einar stands straighter, his shoulders slouched and his muscles lax. He feels lighter than he has in what seems forever.
The elf affixes her bone mask to Einar’s head, its fit perfect. As if meant for him. In her last gesture she lifts an arm and extends it over the pool. She urges him, beckoning him to go.
Einar turns and in a blink she is gone. He is left alone, standing at the edge of the pool with Felslief his sole companion. Its light cascades over the liquid and, as if afraid, the sword unleashes a shrill chime, one that disturbs the surface of the sludge. Ripples appear at first. Small, concentric circles that spread outward until they lap over the shore. The wind blows. It whips about his body, stifling the fur that graces his shoulders.
Be ready, it warns.
Beneath, the beast stirs.
Part I | Part III | Part V
submitted by Gwunders to HFY [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 Sad_Callum Need these icons swipe for my dupes

Need these icons swipe for my dupes submitted by Sad_Callum to MADFUT [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 RedBombX Once you start a filament collection, it's hard to stop. Here's how I display what I have available.

Once you start a filament collection, it's hard to stop. Here's how I display what I have available. submitted by RedBombX to ender3 [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 Priapus4u Park Black Hat

Park Black Hat submitted by Priapus4u to tightdresses [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 hzaliyiyedim HİÇ MUHABBETİNİZİN OLMADIĞI Bİ KIZA NASIL ACİLİYONUZ

Çok konuşan biri değilim ama her ortama girebilecek özgüvenim de var ama bu kızı görünce mala dönüyorum amk ellerim terliyor sınıflarda aynı değil. 9/10 tipim var o yönden bi eziklik cekmiyom (baya kişi bana platonikmiş amk baya kötü) kısaca taktik. Yorumlarda daha bilgi veririm
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2021.10.28 12:30 iFelichi Daniil and Novak on court together

Daniil and Novak on court together submitted by iFelichi to tennis [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 Bryce_Lord Question

If we got all three L’mantooz do we email support and ask them for confirmation email about the flag plushy or do we wait for one to be sent to us?
submitted by Bryce_Lord to Youtooz [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 Original-Droidster SOFI - Free $15 USD For opening "Money Account" , and $10 BTC for making your first crypto trade/pruchase for total of $25 in free rewards. - $15 can be spent immediately with google pay, apple pay, and the additional $10 BTC in about 24 hours. [USA RESIDENTS]

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submitted by Original-Droidster to cryptogiveaways [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 Feeling-Street6122 I just needed to vent.

1- Dear sister, if you plan on bringing people over then tell the person you're living with. I'm not a freaking ghost and I don't want people coming in and out without my knowledge and we freaking live in the same room. At least, bring them to the living room or something, not my bedroom. Where am I supposed to go now?
2- Why don't parents ever understand why their child doesn't want to open up? Why can't they take a hint? I swear to god, parents tend to berate their children and just straight up make them uncomfortable then start wondering: "Why doesn't my child want to open up to me?" Like Idk. Maybe cause every time I used to show you something I like, you always would call it disgusting or try to take it away. Even if it's something innocent, you always want to take it away. Maybe cause every time you get upset, you scream out loud for everyone to hear everything that I ever told you about or you noticed on your own. How am I supposed to trust you? Like if I ever told you I am bisexual, you would either abandon me or force me to go to some type of therapy to "fix" me. Tell me why should I open up to you if you never cared to create a safe environment for me to open up in? I could list a million reasons why I shouldn't tell you anything but you would never apologize. Heck, you don't even think you did anything wrong. Your confidence in your previous actions makes me doubt what I am experiencing.
3- I don't know what's true and not. I'm so confused cause I feel like shit for having those thoughts about you but you always make it seem as if you're a great parent. As if everything is okay. Idk what to think or to feel.
4- I get so scared. They crawl right under my skin and they scare the shit out of me. I don't know whether I am making it up or not. I can't think clearly. My throat starts tightening up and I don't like it.
5- I am so angry and frustrated rn and I can't think straight. I plan on kms later tonight. Perhaps by hanging. I can't do this any longer. I can't. I won't bail out this time. I've had enough.
Sorry for any grammar mistakes. I am writing from my phone. I just needed to vent.
submitted by Feeling-Street6122 to Vent [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 aphorius Good motherboard for a 5800x and 3070 combo?

Hey all,
Currently looking to do a big upgrade on my machine in the future and the big change I'm doing is switching over from Intel to AMD. Seeing as how my current motherboard (ASUS Z170-A) does not work for the AMD side, I'm in search of a new motherboard but I'm stuck on which one is good for me and also because everywhere I look I just see technical issues and bad reviews for everything so its got me a bit skeptical.
All I'm really looking for in a mobo is this:

Any advice or choices would be appreciated. I'm not picky / devoted to a certain brand. I just want one that's easy to build in, set up, and just is an overall good mobo.
Thank you all in advance :)
submitted by aphorius to buildapc [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 CJTalksFunny Dr. Fauci's Pet Cemetery | 171 | WDUTUR #puppygate #drfauci #comedypodcast

Dr. Fauci's Pet Cemetery | 171 | WDUTUR #puppygate #drfauci #comedypodcast submitted by CJTalksFunny to SelfPromotionYouTube [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 ninjarnen Jbuds Epic Air ANC call quality seriously dissapointing

I bought a pair of Jlab's Epic Air Anc earbuds to replace my Jbuds Air Executive that I lost two weeks ago.
I thought they would be an overall improvement over their older predecessors, but man, the call quality on these things is poor. Literally useless for any practical purpose.
Now I'm looking for a different pair of earbuds. I do value sound quality, but they have to be usable for calls too.
I have been looking for a new pair in the same price range (€80-100). I have been checking out the Glaxy Buds Plus/+.
Can anyone recommend a pair? If so, I would be grateful! I really don't want to make the same mistake again and waste more money.
submitted by ninjarnen to Earbuds [link] [comments]


2021.10.28 12:30 farklinkbot Creepy nursery rhyme wakes people in the middle of night. Spoiler: it was spiders

submitted by farklinkbot to fark [link] [comments]


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